


Paradigm

by Dewyn



Category: Mother 2: Gyiyg no Gyakushuu | EarthBound, Mother 3
Genre: Multi, angsty teenage ness, except i can actually write now so that's cool, rewrite of a stupid fanfiction i wrote in middle school
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-08 04:29:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,856
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14097234
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dewyn/pseuds/Dewyn
Summary: The death of an entity with immeasurable cosmic power tends to leave some marks on the universe. Four years down the road, Ness and the friends he thought he'd parted ways with have to face the consequences of saving their world, but they're not quite prepared for what exactly this entails.





	Paradigm

**Author's Note:**

> Howdy.
> 
> Back in middle school – I’d say roughly seven years ago – I wrote a story called Rise of the Escaryuba and, for whatever reason, posted it on here.  
> It was extremely bad:
>
>> "I'll pay you," said Ness, and Paula was confused until he said, "With a knuckle sandwich!" He punched the leader in the jaw. The leader stumbled and fell into a trash can.  
> "Oof," he said.
> 
> Oof indeed.
> 
> I did somehow meet a good friend of mine through that abhorrent cesspool of a story (which was, by the way, complete with its fair share of midsentence “author’s notes”). We were both eleven or twelve, which might’ve been why we clicked over such terrible writing. I’m sure everyone has embarrassing stories from middle school, but that doesn’t make it any less shameful.

###  Chapter One

He had to admit, seeing one of the undead in his own house was something of a shock.

When he first laid eyes on it – it was standing stock-still in the bathroom, for whatever reason – he was stunned momentarily; he hadn’t seen one in years, not since Threed, and what one would be doing in the outskirts of Onett – _in his house,_ no less – was beyond his comprehension.

It took Ness a moment to realise that he was looking at his own face in the bathroom mirror.

Cheeks once rounded with youth hollowed with maturity, exposing a much thinner face with high cheekbones, and the weight he’d carried before puberty had long since evaporated, leaving a slim, well-built young man with the scruffy beginnings of a beard and a tangled mop of dark hair.

He’d have been considerably more handsome had he bothered to take care of himself, but he supposed that was why he’d dragged himself out of bed at five-thirty in the morning, flicking on the dim bathroom light to fight off winter’s darkness.

Shivering as the heat from the floor vent washed over his body, he lazily pulled his t-shirt off over his head, then dropped his jeans in one fluid motion. He’d stopped wearing pyjamas a few years back, much to his mother’s chagrin – she spent a considerable amount of time attempting to lecture him on the hazards of denim on bedsheets, but he couldn’t be bothered to care.

Once he’d undressed, he reached for the handle on the bathtub, and the shower head unleashed a jet of ice-cold water, dousing his right side and sending shockwaves down his spine.

_At least I’m awake now._

It took the freezing spray a hot minute to warm up, during which Ness self-consciously covered himself with a towel; when it was finally bearable to step into the shower, he haphazardly folded it back up and replaced it on the shelf, planning on drying himself with it after.

The steamy heat nearly lulled him back to sleep after the cold shock, and he bathed himself with a torpor quite befitting the undead for which he’d mistaken himself minutes ago. After a solid fifteen minutes, during which he managed to nearly blind himself with a concentrated dose of shampoo to the eyes ( _nothing a little psionics wouldn’t fix anyway_ , he figured), he managed to shave, struggling as usual with his neck. He found it extremely difficult to work the razor in such a way as to glide flush with the skin and shave _every_ hair, and he almost always left a few awkward hairs that would irritate him until he shaved next (at which point they would be replaced with another set of hairs, which would irritate him, and the cycle would continue).

It was a quarter past six by the time he finished shaving, and he took a further fifteen minutes to brush his teeth and find himself some breakfast before he had to take off for school.

The high school at which he was a senior had the rather unique name of “Twonett Secondary School”, a portmanteau of “Twoson” and “Onett”, the two small towns which it served. It had been established roughly halfway between the two, replacing the decaying high schools in each town and unifying the district. To the chagrin of students hoping that construction times would shorten the school year, the building had been completed in relatively little time by a construction crew from Fourside. Ness thought he recognized them, but it had been four years since he’d had any reason to go near the city by then, and besides, his face had changed considerably since they’d last met. He doubted they’d recognize him as one of the kids who’d wiped out the five Mondo Moles, each of which had been the third strongest of the five. _At least they had some modesty._

He hadn’t thought much about the implications of district unification until the first day of classes.

Christ, that had been awkward.

_“Ness?”_

_He glanced up from his untouched tray to see a girl standing as if rooted in place in the aisle between his empty cafeteria table and the overcrowded one next to it. Her hair, once golden-blonde and arranged in a classically girlish cut that fell to her shoulders, had faded to a dirty blonde, and she wore it in a messy braid that fell over her shoulder. She’d traded her pink dress for a t-shirt and shorts, and her angelic aura for one Ness could only describe as “teenager”. He supposed he couldn’t blame her; Giygas and the events leading up to the final confrontation had stripped away their innocence and their illusions of the world as the happy utopia they’d viewed it as, exposing the nightmarish reality beneath the façades their parents had presented them with. It wasn’t much of a stretch to imagine that she’d rebel against her devout, morally upright parents for what they’d all come to accept as an unrealistic worldview._

_Of course, the other three hadn’t been conscious when…_

_No, that wasn’t relevant._

_He swallowed hard and tried to focus on the girl standing before him._

_There was uncertainty in her expression, and he couldn’t blame her for that, either; they hadn’t spoken in several years, though not for a lack of effort on her part. Ness had been the one who stopped answering phone calls, who wouldn’t answer the door anymore, who spent most of his time alone, save dinner. She’d tried to reach him time and time again, the frequency of those attempts decreasing until they finally stopped altogether._

_“Paula. Hey.” His voice was hoarse._ When was the last time I spoke to someone outside class?

_“It’s been a while.” There was something frosty in her tone, and again, he couldn’t blame her._

_“Y-yeah. It has.” He had absolutely no idea what to say. The frequency with which he’d made conversation had dwindled to zero over the past four years. He couldn’t remember_ how _to make conversation. Ordinarily, he wouldn’t care, but Paula…_

_Before he could say anything, however, another guy strolled up beside her, rescuing Ness from an awkward situation – and immediately throwing him into another one by taking her hand._

_“Hey! Friend of yours?” the guy asked, a smile on his face. Despite having little reason to use his actual powers anymore, Ness’s psychic abilities hadn’t diminished one bit, and he was easily able to sense that the smile was genuine._

_Being in high school, he’d have expected jealousy, but there wasn’t even a trace. He could respect that._

_“Hey, Brad. Um…yeah.”_

_Ness blinked stupidly at her. He didn’t think she’d still consider them to be friends._

_“Well, hey,” Brad greeted him, cordially, holding out a hand. Ness shook it, trying to smile, but he was pretty sure it looked more like a grimace; to his credit, Brad didn’t comment. “I’m Brad, Paula’s boyfriend. Don’t think we’ve met?”_

_Ness shook his head, managing a real smile this time. “No, we haven’t. I’m Ness. We were friends back in middle school.” There was no mistaking the look of shock that flitted across Brad’s face then._

_“Ness? As in…?”_

_“Yeah. That’s me.” He snapped his fingers, and a spark of psionic energy flashed in midair above them._

_“Come on, Brad,” Paula cut in suddenly, tugging at his arm. Looking a little bemused, Brad waved once and allowed his girlfriend to drag him off, leaving Ness staring blankly at the spot they’d been standing._

_He turned back to his lunch after a moment, but he’d lost his appetite._

Shaking the memory from his mind, he threw on his usual long black coat and carefully laced up his heavy black boots, well-suited for the wintry trek to school. Grabbing his backpack from where it hung waiting on the coat rack, he quietly slipped out of the front door, locking it behind him as he set off down the muddy road.

As much as Onett had changed in the past few years (“We’re preparing for a new era of technological innovation!” Mayor Pirkle had exclaimed, to a completely unenthused crowd wondering how he’d been reelected), the outskirts had gone largely untouched. Even the roads weren’t properly paved, and the admittedly dangerous cliffs remained…well, dangerous and unfenced. As far as Ness knew, nobody had ever fallen off them, but that didn’t mean nobody ever would, and that didn’t mean that someone wouldn’t be a clumsy child whose parents decided that it was the county’s fault that their child had fallen, rather than their fault for ensuring their offspring did _not_ go wandering off cliff edges.

A rather sickening thought crossed his mind – that perhaps the hypothetical parents had purposefully allowed their child to fall in hopes of securing the settlement from a lawsuit – and he waved it away. He’d developed extraordinary cynicism ever since returning to society with his newfound psychic abilities, which allowed him to sense the emotions and intent of people he focused on; immediately, he’d realized his naiveté as an overwhelming amount of greed, negativity, and selfishness washed over him like a flood. People were _not_ inherently good or kind – or perhaps they were, and _society_ was what bred this hellscape of human sin.

In the end, he determined that his philosophizing on the _how_ and _why_ of human nature didn’t really matter; it didn’t change the fact of _what_ , and all he could do was accept the loss of innocence.

If it hadn’t been so cold, the ground beneath his feet would have been mud, through and through. Thankfully, the earth was frozen solid, and the segment of his journey that would take him from his home to the paved streets of Onett was considerably easier than he’d anticipated, even in the dark. Raising his right hand, he concentrated briefly, and a shimmering second later, psionic light flared into being like a lantern that he held in his palm; by its light, he checked his watch, and wasn’t entirely surprised to see that it was now 6:40 in the morning. In theory, the sun should be rising at that moment, but a glance upward told him that the sky was covered in heavy grey clouds that hung low and ominous over northwestern Eagleland, threatening snow.

As he strolled into town, he saw other teenagers ranging anywhere from 13 – his own age when he’d been called upon to save the entire universe from a multidimensional trans-temporal entity beyond human comprehension by transplanting his consciousness into a robot – to his current age of 17, all heading to the same school. Attempting to be as discreet as possible, Ness pulled up the hood of his coat and drew the scarf he wore up over his nose, masking his face.

Realising that he’d forgotten to pack a lunch, and remembering that Monday was “casserole day”, he took a detour into the drugstore to pick up a sandwich and a bottle of water, nodding silently at the clerk as he left. The old clerk, Lester, had cleared up his acne and discovered contact lenses, went off to college, and, the last Ness had heard, was doing quite well for himself working with the emergent world of computing.

_At least he’s found a purpose. What am I, besides a washed-up child hero?_

He pulled down his scarf long enough to spit on the frozen ground.

* * *

 

Ness always felt vaguely self-conscious walking into the lobby, despite having done it every single morning for the better part of three months. As he opened the door, the frosty air outside met with the dry heat pumped in by the school’s central heating system, colliding in a gust of wind that sent chill shivers down the spines of the students sitting closest to the doors and a shiver of relief down his own as the soothing warmth met what little skin he had exposed.

As usual, he headed straight for the library, avoiding the gaze of anyone he passed on the way there. He’d spent a considerable amount of time indoors since he quit baseball, and reading was how he chose to occupy himself, although admittedly the clunky beige boxes the school had imported – computers – held a certain allure, despite coming too close to technology for comfort during the “war” against Giygas (which was, he reminded himself dryly, four children doing the job of an army).

Usually, at seven in the morning, the library was empty. Classes didn’t even start for another half hour, and you weren’t technically _late_ until fifteen minutes after that, meaning a lot of students didn’t bother to show up until 7:30 (some even cut it so close as to walk in during the final bell). Yet, for some reason, he was not alone today.

Naturally, the only other denizen of the dust-scented library glanced up as the door creaked open, and Ness was suddenly quite grateful that he hadn’t taken off his hood or scarf. For Paula to recognize him would be incredibly awkward, to say the least.

She turned back to the workstation without a second look, and he breathed a silent sigh of relief, slipping quietly into the space between two shelves and out of sight.

To his surprise, however, he was still not alone. Leaning casually against the shelf behind him was a guy his own age, nose buried in a book; his eyes flickered upwards for a fraction of a second, meeting Ness’s, then back down to the book.

There was something deeply unsettling about him that Ness couldn’t quite place – his presence felt _wrong_ somehow. It wasn’t his physical appearance (hair the colour of seaweed over a decidedly unfriendly scowl, then an untucked, slim-cut red dress shirt over black skinny jeans and some rather clunky boots); there was something fundamentally out of place here.

Before he could say anything, the stranger flipped the book closed with one hand and tossed it back into its slot on the shelf with unreal precision. Without missing a beat, the scowl broke into a friendly grin, and he chuckled. “Hey. You here for Wilson’s class, too?” After four years of Jeff, Ness hadn’t thought a voice could hold any balance between intellectual and casual, but here it was.

He frowned and pulled down the front of his scarf. “I come in here every morning.” His own voice sounded unfamiliar, broken and raspy; clearing his throat did nothing to help.

Belatedly it hit him that he’d been extremely rude, but the stranger wasn’t fazed in the slightest. “Aye. It’s my first day here; thought I’d try and make conversation is all. My bad.” His eyes were an unnatural golden shade that far surpassed brown, and Ness had to wonder if he was using contacts.

“First day?” Ness repeated. For the most part, Onett and Twoson maintained the same population, though some aspiring youth moved away to the big city of Fourside. He’d heard very few reports of people moving into either small town, so a new student was virtually unprecedented.

“Aye. I’m finishing up my senior year.”

“Oh…me too. I’m in Wilson’s class, too,” he added. “Name’s Ness.”

To his surprise, no flicker of familiarity crossed the other’s face. Without missing a beat, his new classmate stuck his hand out with a lopsided grin. “I’m Nathan. Good to meet you, mate.”

Suddenly worried Paula might have heard him, Ness backpedaled and leaned out from behind the shelf, but she was still seated at the workstation, keyboard clicking as she typed rapidly with firm strokes, occasionally stopping to glance down at the sheet of paper next to her.

“What was that about?”

“Oh – uh, nothing. So. Why are you in here for Wilson’s class?”

“Just catching up. Haven’t been here for the first three months, after all.”

“What uh…what were you reading? I’m scared I missed something.”

Again without looking, Nathan reached back and pulled the book from its slot, offering it to Ness. Wilson taught Ancient History, a subject Ness found entirely pointless, but which fulfilled the cultural graduation requirement; as it was, the book in front of him was not entirely historical. “ _Myths and Legends of Chommo and their Cultural Significance_ ,” he read aloud. “We’ve only discussed solid history, though.”

“Aye, but you never know, do you?” A roguish wink, and the book was once more on the shelf. Ness didn’t think he’d actually seen it move that time, but he couldn’t be sure; despite the brisk walk to school, his senses were still dull with sleep, and he was fairly certain that if Nathan had taken a running leap across the library, he’d have mistaken it for teleportation.

Stifling a yawn, the psychokinete shrugged his bag further up on his shoulders, checking his watch again _. Seven twenty-three already? Might as well get to class on time for once._

As if reading his mind, the other spoke: “Mind showing me the way to Wilson’s room? I’ve got a terrible sense of direction.”

“Uh, sure. Follow me.”

Looking back one more time as they left the library, the last thing he saw was the look of intense, worried concentration on Paula’s face as she hammered away at the keys.

* * *

 

After showing Nathan the way to their classroom (he hadn’t been lying about his poor sense of direction; when Nathan bent to pick up a dropped pencil, he somehow managed to get turned around backwards, and Ness had to jog after him), the pair of them took their seats, and Mr. Wilson – a wiry, middle-aged man who spoke with a monotone belying the dry wit he often slipped into his lessons – switched on the overhead projector, which was equipped with a transparency of the first page of the exam review they’d been given as homework.

“Good morning!” Wilson declared, facing the class. “I hope everyone got a good night’s sleep last night?”

A few students nodded dutifully, but Ness blinked slowly, deliberately, in a silent _no._ Nathan, glancing at him sidelong, snorted.

“Our first order of business – I’d like everyone to welcome our new student, Nathan.” Sixteen pairs of eyes flitted toward the kelp-haired newcomer, who appeared totally relaxed under the collective stare. He gave a cheerful wave and a half-smile, and Ness noticed that more than a few girls looked just a little too long. Nathan either didn’t notice or didn’t care, as he quietly flicked a silver pen from his left pocket like a baton, transferring it to his right hand and leaning back as he awaited further instruction.

“Now, for our second task – “

Abruptly, the intercom crackled to life, and a man’s voice came through.

“Good morning, everyone. This is your principal Sam Kirkland speaking, with an important announcement regarding student safety. Last night, at ten forty-three PM, a student was abducted from their home in Twoson.”

This proclamation was followed by a lengthy pause, punctuated by static from the speaker. Ness’s mouth went dry.

“The police haven’t yet released any details – either on the student’s identity or the circumstances of their disappearance – but we are urging all students to remain within the building during the school day, and to not walk home alone after school. From now on, all exterior doors will remain locked from the outside, and please – lock your doors and windows this evening. We have already sent out a phone call and letter to each of your parents, and if any further details arise that may compromise your safety, we will let you know. Thank you.”

The intercom fizzled out, leaving the class in stunned silence.

Wilson’s review was brief, and he did nothing to quiet the students’ muttering as, one by one, they finished their exams and began wondering just who had been abducted and why.

* * *

 

As it turned out, Ness didn’t have to wait very long to find out what had had Paula so worked up that morning. By the end of first period, the halls had been plastered with freshly-printed missing persons posters, and despite there being no direct evidence that this was what Paula had been typing, the connection basically made itself.

The missing student was Brad Burroughs – her boyfriend.

Something in his gut told him that he should help her, that he should go to her and ask her if he could do anything, but he couldn’t bring himself to approach his former best friend as she sat silent and unmoving in the center of her lunch table, a swarm of girls patting her on the back or hugging her. If she noticed the contact, she gave no sign of it.

He’d never seen anyone look so alone surrounded by friends.

“You alright, mate?”

Ness jumped, glancing up. Nathan had taken a seat across from him, fixing him with a piercing stare with one eyebrow raised.

“You’re awfully friendly,” he growled, looking down at his empty lunch tray and pointlessly shifting the crumped milk carton to the other side of it. “Why’d you come over here?”

“What d’you mean?” From the look on his face, Ness could tell that Nathan meant _elaborate._

Fully aware that he was being rude, he pressed on: “Why would you sit with me? I know it’s your first day, and you haven’t learned this yet, but I kinda sit alone for a reason.”

“You looked like you needed the company,” Nathan replied simply. “Quite the loner, aren’t you?”

A smirk crossed Ness’s face. “That’s me.”

Nathan matched his smirk. “I get it. I was a loner in my old school, too.”

“You seem like a social butterfly to me.”

“Aye. So social I haven’t made a single friend today, unless I want to count you.” Nathan pulled a sandwich from his bookbag and took a bite of it – whatever it was, it smelled delicious, and despite having just eaten, Ness’s mouth began to water just a little.

“You’re free to count me, but I can’t promise I’m a good friend.” He found himself staring at the sandwich, trying hard to figure out what it was.

Nathan glanced up at him over the sandwich, but didn’t respond immediately, instead giving himself time to chew. “What makes you say that?” he replied, at length.

“You…don’t actually know who I am, do you?”

“You’re Ness. What kind of question is that?” Though the question was sharp, his tone was teasing, and the smirk turned to a grin.

Without blinking, Ness raised his right hand. The space around it distorted briefly, then flared to life with a pulsing aura in red, blue and yellow. Nathan stared, pupils dilating, and once again Ness was hit by that sense of _wrong_. He could barely get a read off the guy in front of him, but from what he could tell, there was _something_ going on under the surface. Whatever it was, Nathan didn’t show anything but momentary surprise before he nodded, ignoring the stares from the tables around them as Ness lowered his hand.

“I’ve heard of things like that. Never seen it in person, though. Everyone was pretty much normal back home.”

“Where are you from, anyway?” Ness was genuinely curious.

“I don’t think you’d know where it is,” the other chuckled. “Don’t worry about it, you won’t find it on a map anyway. There’s no label for it.”

“You’ll have to show me sometime, then.”

For whatever reason, the laughing face before him went suddenly grave. “I’d…rather not. I’m sorry. Bad memories.”

Ness nodded. “Alright. I’m sorry.”

“No, mate, you had no way of knowing. You’re fine. You – ah, don’t have to answer my question, either,” he added, a little awkwardly.

“What question?”

“About what makes you say you’re a bad friend.”

“Oh.” He blinked a few times, glanced up at Paula again (Nathan followed his gaze, but did nothing more than glance before he fixed Ness with a concerned gaze), then sighed. “That girl who was in the library this morning? We used to be best friends.”

“Explains why you were in such a rush, then.”

“What?”

“You seemed a little on edge, mate. It’s alright, I’ve had my fair share of avoiding people myself.”

“I’m not….” He paused. “Okay, yeah, I’m avoiding her. Like I said, we were best friends. But…Christ, you don’t know anything about Giygas, do you?”

“I’ve heard the name.”

Ness sighed and buried his face in his hands. “What do you know?” he asked.

“I know an alien race invaded Eagleland and its neighbouring countries, and four kids somehow managed to stop it. Not much more than that, though.” He sipped once from his water bottle, then put the lid back on and crossed his arms.

“That’s the general gist of it. Paula and I were two of those kids.”

Nathan glanced back at Paula, then at Ness. “She seems popular. How did you two end up…?”

“Things were different back then. I was different, she was different. I was the popular kid, star of the baseball team. She was her parents’ devout daughter, local celebrity for her kindness and psychic ability…neither of us knew she had such devastatingly lethal powers when we met. Now…I don’t know. I’ve got no idea who she is apart from what you can see on the surface.”

“What happened?”

Ness just smirked.

“I happened. After Giygas…I don’t want to say died. He didn’t die. I don’t know where he went or what happened to him, but – “

“When was this?” Nathan cut in, gaze suddenly intense.

“About four years ago. Almost to the day, as a matter of fact,” he added, checking his watch again. “He just…disappeared. So did I, for that matter. In retrospect, I think what Paula really needed was someone to help her cope with her shifting worldview…as did I. We probably could have helped each other, but I was a coward who pulled away because he couldn’t deal with his own problems.” A rueful grimace crossed his features. “I’m a great friend, huh?”

Nathan bit his lip. “Wouldn’t say you did the right thing there, but I can get where you’re coming from. Judging from the fact that she approached you on the first day of school, it would seem she doesn’t hate you entirely. I think she’d understand if you told her what you just told me.”

“Would she?” His gaze drifted over to Paula once more, finding her staring at her untouched lunch.

“That’s the impression I get, anyway. You seem like an honest person to me.” Nathan shrugged one shoulder, raising an eyebrow. “Talk to her, mate. Wounds take time to heal, but that doesn’t mean everyone lashes out like a porcupine the second they’re hurt.”

Ness couldn’t tell if the other was taking a jab at him or not, but after a moment, he decided Nathan wasn’t the type. “I’ll give it a shot, I guess,” he sighed. “I don’t know how to help her deal with the whole paradigm shift thing, though. I couldn’t even deal with my own. I turned into an edgy loner.”

Nathan chuckled audibly at that, and Ness relinquished a small, self-deprecating smile. “Aye. The look suits you, though. I’d wear something a bit more on the slim side, but that’s personal preference. Besides, I think she’s more hurt by you disappearing than the paradigm shift you say she needed your help coping with. Address that first.”

“How can you tell?”

“You said that this Brad guy is her boyfriend, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Call it intuition, but I imagine he helped her with that, or she helped herself, since she was comfortable enough to try dating. Either way, the issue at hand is your fractured friendship, and I think just acknowledging that you made a mistake up front is the best course of action.”

Ness nodded.

“Great. After school, I’ll help you look for her. What’ve you got fourth period?”

“Biology, with Perkins.”

“Ah, great. I won’t have to go looking for you, too.”

“You won’t have to look for her, either. She’s in the class with us.”

“Oh. Well, that works out for both of us, I’ve gotta walk my sister home anyway.”

The bell rang just then – that is, the intercom gave a loud, long beep – and the two of them bid farewell, heading opposite directions, Nathan to physical education (“it’s a graduation requirement, apparently”), Ness to calculus.

As he walked, he replayed their conversation in his head, trying his best to synthesize something he could say to Paula without fumbling for words. Something about it bothered him, and he tried to reassure himself that, at the very least, he didn’t stand to lose anything by trying to apologise. After all….

_“Judging from the fact that she approached you on the first day of school, it would seem she doesn’t hate you entirely.”_

Yes, that was right…she _had_ approached him.

Still, _something_ was bothering him, and it wasn’t until he took his seat in the trailer that played host to his calculus class that he realised that it had nothing to do with Paula and everything to do with the person he’d had the conversation with.

_…Wasn’t today Nathan’s first day?_

**Author's Note:**

> Anyone who read the original Rise of the Escaryuba on fanfiction.net will understand immediately what’s going on in this chapter and the next, but as it was something like six or seven years ago, I don’t think any original readers will make a comeback. Even if they did, the story has poofed, and unless you want to fire up the Wayback Machine and read it, I would suggest leaving it in its poofed state. Seriously, it was bad.
> 
> Time to publish this and cry. Wish me luck.
> 
> (if you're reading this, there's a 100% chance both of the above have occurred.)


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